Sophie?? Sophie?? Are you in there??

It's only been recently that I've realized that almost everything I do is to distance myself from the immediate world around me. I have made a habit out of fighting reality. It's only recently that I've realized that so many of the things I do are attempts to slip out of the present into a kind of place where time loops and gets sidetracked and is not unlikely to start in the future and end in the past. This blog, for example. My daydreaming and constant CONSTANT fidgeting. My religious watching of travel shows (particularly No Reservations, partly because of my probably not entirely healthy crush on the fifty-year-old host). Weetzie Bat. The fact that I make friends on the internet. Ali Farka Toure and Taraf de Haidouks. The fact that the only person I tell more or less everything to (including my shrink) is hundreds of miles away and usually violently ill. The fact that I've been researching colleges since sophomore year. The fact that I rarely find anyone else as rewarding to talk to as myself. How few people have any idea what I'm like.

And I wonder why high school's been so dissappointing. I'm sure that if I had no fantasy life, I would be some kind of dead.