This might make you despise me
My superiority complex, as of late, has probably gotten out of hand. I'm not as alarmed by this as I would be if I were sweet, honest, kind-hearted kinda gal friends of my parents would swear I was. To so many people, I seem so benevolent and harmless, if somewhat strange, and even though I can make certain people very uncomfortable.
I am so sick of hearing the Mean Girls thesis picked apart and analyzed. "Why are girls so mean? How can they possibly be this soulless and cruel? What could possibly be their motive for such despicable behavior? It can't really be this bad, can it?" Oh yes it can. This is a really exasperatingly clueless reaction. Nobody is truly shocked when a bus in Israel gets blown up, or some third world politician uses the exhaustively collected charity donations to buy a BMW. Or several. So why would a teenage girl saying less than flattering things about another teenage girl be so deeply shocking? Everybody has an evil self, some are just better at keeping their evil self squashed under fat piles of goodness.
It seems that recently I have had much more ease talking about people behind their backs. The people in my high school are becoming something like cartoon characters, silly, predictable, somewhat one dimensional beings making more of less the exact same mistakes in every episode. Some I feel sorry for, some I just hate, which I should feel worse about. I pick people apart for my own amusement. I know full well how this violates so many laws of decency, but it is too much damn fun to stop. I don't manipulate or confront anyone about their faults. I realize that I am a horrible snob about almost everything. But up to this date, I don't think I've destroyed anybody. But the collective self-mutilation I could be responsible for if people heard what I thought could kill an ogre.
Whoa. I am horrible. I feel despicable being so brutally honest. I don't think I'm a mean spirited person, but there is that little c-word inside of me that high school is just exacerbating. At least I know I'm not alone.
posted by Sophie @ 10:46 PM
1 Comments:
I've thought about the same thing lately, too. About how if you aked me if I talked about girls behind their backs, I'd love to say "No, of course not! That's bitchy and stupid and high-schoolish." but I'd have to lower my head shamefully and mutter "Sometimes, but I try not to", knowing full well that I don't try not to, I just do it. I enjoy it. I am no better than most high school girls, even though I claim to hate them. I am one. It's disgusting, and I'd rather not think about it, but all the same, it's true.
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