Tomorrow I'm off to go see my pregnant Canadian pseudo-cousin and have fun for a few days in the coolest, swingingest city in the province of Ontario before being hurled back into the gaping pit of despair that is my hometown. A gaping pit of tree-lined, blue ribbon winning school district-located, absurdly safe, aesthetically pleasing despair.

This summer has made me exponentially more stupid. Don't be fooled by the fact that I used the word "exponentially". The more I feel my thoughts turn into insipid regurgitations of something else, and the mushier my head starts to feel, the more multisyllabic my daily vocabulary becomes. Jesus, why does everyone think I'm so smart? I do know my asshole from my elbow for the time being, but tomorrow, that doesn't look so good.

I wish that I was the type to spontaneously roar in frustration.