I came to several conclusions in the past month, which was spent in France:

I am totally useless with my peers.

Basic human behavior genetically tatooed to our psyches makes running an honest, efficient government like going to war with toothpicks and hoping that the people with all the tanks and shit are nice enough to let you win anyway.

Being rich, beautiful, and popular does not equate happiness if you're a cranky bitch. Even if your abode looks like this:

. Yes, I did stay there for a week. But I would have rather stayed in a crowded, cockroach-infested apartment with a noisy, demonstratively affectionate family. Because:

Hugs are more important than money.

Also

People from the Balkans know how to party in a way the average American hedonist could never understand.

Speaking and understanding foreign languages is much easier if you're a little drunk.

I could never go to a small liberal arts school.

People as a whole are hypocritical, selfish, racist motherfuckers. There is no avoiding this.

Though my virginity is still clinging to me like a leech, and I may decide in a few years to retract the following, when I have some idea what the hell I'm talking about, I'm convinced that food and sex are the same thing, with different organs, textures, and frequencies.

I will never be able to stop playing with my hair. Get over it.